


being for the benefit of miss harley?

by badAquatic, orphan_account



Series: Trailerstuck [33]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, F/M, Illustrated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:10:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/940901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade and Dave talk about their mutual futures together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	being for the benefit of miss harley?

**== >Jade: Rap it out**

 

You sit next to him, near paralyzed. There’s nothing you can do but talk.

“We won’t really know until a week in.” you say, “Doing a test now wouldn’t give a clear response.”

“We can get emergency contraception.” He says, trying to be hopeful, “We could go to the Planned Parenthood out in…” He has to mentally search, “…East New Jack; its near NJCC.”

“Of course it is.” Those college kids could afford birth control and insurance. “Even if we go to Planned Parenthood, they won’t give us emergency contraceptive unless it was rape or incest. If you want it for any other reason, they make you do the shitty counseling.”

In human focused, conservative New Jack City, you’re protected by the often heavy-handed NJPD. You could scream and point to a troll, saying they looked at you the wrong way and have them arrested. You’re the best citizen ever until you admit you don’t want children right away, or at all. Immediately, you’re anti-gods, anti-Canzian, and anti-human for not propagating the species.

“Or…” Dave mutters, “…if your partner’s too mutated…”

He doesn’t want say there’s a reason humans have mandatory ultrasounds and chromosome testing; not out of moral obligation but to see the genetic damage, for the future of the human race.

“They made us read that story about what causes mutations, what you can do to prevent it,” Dave mutters, “why you should always get your sexual partner scanned because...you never know what will happen…”

“I don’t consider you a mutant, Dave.” You smile, “An annoying hipster dumbass but not a mutant. Everyone who makes anti-mutation policies are paranoid jackass conservatives. Not all mutations are bad. If humans weren’t slightly mutated, we wouldn’t be able to drink milk after weaning and we wouldn’t have adapted to New Earth.”

You could rattle off facts about New Earth being different from Old Earth. New Earth is considered an “ocean-like” world with water covering 90% of the planet. Certain sections of ocean have lethal liquid layers of an unknown substance inhabited by strange fierce beasts, thus why further exploration of the planet has been difficult. The planet’s core is small and rocky. You could think about planetary facts for days but that won’t solve your problem: a broken condom and whatever future you had planned now falling apart.

“Maybe we’re worrying over nothing?” Dave says, “It might not even happen. We should at least wait before we panic.”

“Agreed,” you sigh, “but what are you going to do about Karkat?” He said he loved you in the red way, or was that just some ebbed on by alcohol? You don’t ask the question but it hangs in the air after your words.

“I don’t feel flush.” he admits, “I really can’t stand him most of the time but I also care about the big dork.”

“Exactly how I feel about Tavros.” You climb back into his lap, resting your chin on his shoulder. “How do you think Karkat will take it?”

“I don’t know, but mutantbloods don’t quadrant easily. He’d have everyone in his quadrants if he could. Remember that picture he drew? In middle school?”

“Yeah.” You shut your eyes, “It had all of us living in a house together, like we were some Altish community.”

“Do the Altish have humans? I thought they were troll-exclusive.”

“There are some communes that…”

Outside the trailer, there is the rustle of gravel, displaced by a hovertruck. A _thump_ follows, contents in the back rattling. The front door creaks opens. You and Dave separate. You scramble to put on your clothes while Dave inches to the door.

“Easy, Jake.”

“I’m fine, love. Just a bit banged up is all.”

“You broke two ribs and fractured your arm. I’ll say that’s more than ‘banged up’.”

Jake groans, flopping on the couch. Something metal and sharp clatters on the ground.

“It’s ‘banged up’ by Young British standards.” Jake sighs.

“If you get a fever, I’m taking you to a hospital.” Dirk says.

You can escape through Dave’s window and run to your trailer before either adult realizes you’re here. Dirk’s footsteps are coming closer. You’re frantically searching for your boots. You’re not running around the trailer park barefoot and then explaining to your doctor have you contracted double hooked-ringworm.

“Dave? Karkat?” Dirk asks.

“In here, Bro…” Dave yawns, faking sleepiness.

“We just got back; need you to help me unload the truck.” Dirk says.

“Alright. Let me just… put on some clothes…” Dave says, not moving from the door.

“Okay.” Dirk steps from the door, “and Jade, you should get your shoes from the middle of the living room before someone trips on them.”

You’ve never see Dave blush before but his face is red when he leaves his bedroom, fully clothed. He’s trying to play his embarrassment cool and failing miserably. You follow him, eyes to the ground. Jake is sitting on the couch, shirtless and bandaged with his arm in a sling. Dirk is standing next to him, trying not to smirk.

“I was just leaving…” you mutter.

“Oh, you don’t have to leave right away.” Dirk says, “We can use all the help we need since Jake needs to rest.”

“I’m fine. This arm is still good!” Jake holds up his right arm.

“Not with two broken ribs it isn’t.” Dirk says, walking to the door. “Come on you two.”

You try not to grumble and grab your boots, which you had taken off by the backdoor. It takes an hour and a half to get everything off of the truck, piles of deer meat wrapped giant sheets of wax paper, lusus carapace, and weapons. You rest the deer meat on the kitchen table that Jake is sitting at, divvying up the meat to be store away. You sit across from him, feeling more awkward by the minute while Dirk and Dave are on the front porch.

“Does the old man know you’re here?” Jake asks.

“I don’t think so. He knows I went for a walk though.” you say.

“Rather late to stay out.” Jake says, “The old man wouldn’t like you coming over here.”

You frown, “What’s the story with grandpa and you? Why does he hate you so much?”

Jake shuts the refrigerator door. “I did a lot of terrible things to him, and I’ve never been able to apologize for it.” he says, “Are you _sure_ you really want to know everything?”

“I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”

“I was a _serious_ drug addict.” Jake starts.

The pieces fall into place after that; why your grandfather despises him, and why you’re not allowed near him. Jake’s drug habit had demolished not only the family’s reputation but its finances. Thousands of dollars in genuine silverware and jewels, stocks and banknotes upturned just for more drugs. It all came to a head once Troxie was killed. Jake had gone into rehab and when he left, he found the world changed.

“My mother had died, unable to cope with the shame. Her heart was always weak and I was her treasured son.” Jake sighs, “My father had packed up and left for parts unknown. I didn’t fear the Cherubs as much as I did getting re-addicted, so I hopped the next barge and it brought me to New Jack City. I blended in with the Young British immigrants in the trailer park, even adopted a dear old lady as my ‘grandmother’. Her own family was long dead and she needed a protector.” He frowns, “Then she died and the flooding got too bad. I was the only one left so I remained camped out in the swamps, living like a savage man. The rest is current history, I suppose.”

“S-so…” You meditate over your question, “…are you my father?” Jake stares at you, “Well, you talked about everything _but_ that.”

Jake gives a nervous laugh. “I guess I have beaten around that bush. Uh, my, that’s a poor choice of words too… but yes, I’ve talked your ear off about everything else but that. So.” He scratches his chin, “Here is the thing. If you _are_ my daughter, let’s keep in mind I was under the influence of drugs most of the time, you don’t seem very mutated.”

“So you’re saying I’m _not_ your daughter?”

“I’m not really sure. It’s likely Joan had children while I was in rehab. We were fans of wild irresponsible sex, uh, to be frank.”

Your imagination is working against you as you imagine a young Jake, Joan, and Troxie drugged-up and partying hard. “So are you or are you not?”

“There’s a fifty-fifty chance. Some of the Cherubs were human and I don’t think Joan would pass up an opportunity to sleep with them.”

“Grandpa said that I was positive for the paternity test but my brother wasn’t.”

Jake frowns. “So he says.”

“What do you mean?”

“The man is old fashioned, Jade; all Young British care about are mutation-free lineages. I wouldn’t put it above him to fudge the test or outright lie because you have fewer physical mutations. If you’re really my daughter, you should be more mutated than you look.”

“What makes you so sure about that?” You’re not about to believe the theories of a high school dropout.

“Most drugs contain mutagens that damage the genetic structure of humans, but not trolls. It won’t harm _them_ but it harms the next generation. Even if you don’t _look_ mutated, if you’re from my stock, there’s copious genetic damage. But these conservative idiots”—he shakes his head—“they don’t care as long as you look ‘normal’. It doesn’t matter to them if you’re sterile or not.”

“ _Sterile_?”

“Oh, calm down. I doubt you’re sterile. That seems to be the exact opposite problem with most mutates. Mutated infants have a better survival rate and don’t contract bronchitis or infections. They’re made for this planet.”

You’re not sure what a child from Dave and you would look like. He’s considered an unharmful mutation, like the green-skinned Germanium humans or that New Mehican tribe with yellowing eyes and head ridges. You’re no conservative but the thought of having a kid with scaly skin and seven fingers makes you nauseous.

Jake sees your face and shrugs. “Hey, I could be wrong about everything. I’m just speculating.”

“Were you born mutated?” you ask, out of curiosity.

“What? No. I came from a prominent family in Young Britain. Gene screening and therapy are mandatory. Children were conceived in-vitro and a surrogate was used for birth.”

“What was it like living that way?”

Jake pauses, “It was very stratified. The rich lived in domes, clustered in the center of the city while the poor were on the outer edge near the desalination plants and fuel farms. Our only connection was through the evacuated tube transport. Everything was provided for us in the domes. Maids and manservants to help with the chores, nanobots to destroy unhealthy cells and remove toxins, and the finest schools and doctors you could dream of.”

“So why’d you throw it all away?”

Jake drums his fingers on the table. “Why. The why is something I pondered many a night while I was in rehab. I blamed society, saying that it was empty; everything was artificial. I blamed being stifled by my parent’s drab expectations that I was going to take up the family company. But honestly? I was an over-privileged little bastard with a Daddy complex who thought he could do whatever he wanted and just write the pain off with money.”

He looks at the scars on his knuckles, “So many wasted opportunities. I spent my entire youth in a drugged up haze that I thought was paradise.”

You’ve never seen him so bitter and contemplative. You admit, “I saw her.” Jake raises an eyebrow, “I think I saw her. My mother. Joan. And my brother too.”

His eyes widen. “What.” He leans in closer, “Jade. Be serious now.” He swallows, “How do you know it was her?”

“Pink hair. Blue eyes. A gap in her teeth like me.” You say, “There was someone else with eyes like her and blonde hair. I couldn’t tell if they were a boy or a girl but grandpa said I had a brother…”

“A natural blonde.” He mutters, “She was a natural blonde and Troxie was the brunette…”

“Jake?”

“I’m fine.” A deep breath, “I’m fine.”

“Is it… _her_?”

“I,” Jake stammers, “I’m not sure. The Cherubs are a Young British gang with connections in Nehetaly and Braziltim. It’d be _odd_ for them to be all the way here.”

“But not unlikely?”

“Well, I said it was odd but not… unusual. New Jack City is a major coastal city and well known for importing and exporting. It has a very large criminal community.” He looks at you, face drained of all jollity. “Jade, you must stay away from her. Joan is not… the friendliest person. I take that back. She is not a friendly person at all. She is most likely a sociopath. Don’t contact her. Don’t look at her. And whatever you do, don’t speak to her.”

“Grandpa told me the same.”

“Then hold my warning in higher regard. I knew her since I was young. There were things she did; secrets she kept from everyone else, including her parents.”

“Like what?”

Jake hesitates. “Once,” he begins, “we went on a hunting trip. It was a tradition in the domes that when you turn sixteen, you and your chums go on a hunting trip. Regular deer and foxes were extinct so we hunted released genetic mix-mashes made in labs. Anyways, it was Troxie’s sixteenth and we went on a hunt. We had hunted down two of those things but Joan had cornered one and once she had it, she just grabbed it and bit into it… while it was still alive and wriggling…”

Your stomach does a small flip. “Why’d she do that?”

Jake shrugs. “She said she wanted to see what living flesh tasted like.”

You stare at Jake. “ _What_.”

“Exactly.” Jake sighs, “Joan isn’t your concern, Jade. What are you going to tell the old man if you are pregnant with mutated offspring?”

You frown, “Dave’s not a mutant.”

“From the old man’s fuddy-duddy perspective he is.” Jake rolls his eyes. “What are you going to do about Karkat? His matesprit cheated on him with _you_.”

“They’re in a different quadrant.” you say.

“So Dave _says_ , but Karkat doesn’t know that.” Jake says, “If someone dated you, cheated on you, and then tried to wash it away by saying you were in a different quadrant all along …yes, you may accept it but you’re not going to forget what he did in the _first place_ , now are you? What if you’re pregnant? You expect Karkat to move out? I know your generation is rather liberal but you don’t want to be labeled a ‘home wrecker’.”

You hadn’t thought much about Karkat. Alcohol and urgency had pushed Karkat to the back of your mind. You’d feel terrible about Karkat moving out. He seemed happier and things were going fine…until you came along. Jake sighs and stands. He touches your shoulder. You know he’s trying to comfort you but it’s just awkward. Not even grandpa touches you, for reassurances or otherwise.

“Just… don’t make any rash decisions? Okay?” Jake says.

You nod, mumbling “Sure”. You leave the trailer and Dave is sitting on the front porch, covering his face and grumbling.

“Uh,” You begin, because you really don’t know what to do. Young Lady’s Illustrated Primer didn’t exactly cover what to do when you get caught cheating by your not-boyfriend’s parents. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

He forces a smile, “Yeah.”  

“I hope you didn’t get in too much trouble because of me.”

He raises his eyebrows, smirks, “The trouble was worth it.”

You don’t match his smile. “We have to tell Karkat.” He frowns, “Even if things don’t work out between us, I don’t want this to be some deep dark secret that comes out years later.”

He sighs and leans against the wall. “Karkat really doesn’t have anything to bitch at _me_ about. He slings his bulge like it’s going to fall off, or he’d actually be here instead of with Vriska.”

Him saying that needles you; makes you wonder if he slept with you because he liked you or because he was irritated with Karkat. “I’m sure you’ll work… something… out but I don’t want to force him to leave.” Or rather, you don’t want that on your conscience.

You know this won’t be easy for him. Dave was mute for years and even now his standoffish loner coolkid demeanor is just the daily anxiety of dealing with large crowds of people. He won’t talk to Karkat right away. He’ll hesitate and dance around the subject. Maybe he’ll drink more. You hope not. Dave’s never been able to handle alcohol. On his 18th birthday party (Eldritch Night), after two drinks, you were able to convince him that he was Batkindtroll and that he should stop a crime in progress. John was not happy about being drop-tackled by a drunk hipster.

You return to your dark trailer, your grandfather in bed and Bec pacing around, waiting for you to return home. You flop onto your bed and don’t get up until your alarm goes off at seven. Shit, it’s Thursday. Why did you drink on a Wednesday night? Your head is throbbing. You drag yourself from bed, shower, dress for work, pop two aspirin, toast and juice to steady yourself. You ride the bus with the other working stiffs in direction of downtown.

The garage is on the second and third floor of the Mocorp Building on Kuwahara Street. The bottommost floor is the show room and the top floors for business meetings and the corp offices. The people who work in each section never interact with each other; garage drudges have to even use a separate elevator. 

You get to work right away—fine tuning, repairing, checking, polishing, vacuuming, and washing. You’re in the minority here, a human woman doing grunt work typically reserved for trolls and men. You only got the job because the manager was impressed with how much you knew about machines. You get the usual customers: the young who have something nice from Mom and Dad for college, the old who’ve had a second-gen hovercar since they were teenagers, and of course there’s Vinnie Makara. You’re hiding behind a display rack of the new Mocorp coverage deals and new models, elbow-deep in engine parts.

“If it isn’t my favorite mechanic.” He’s wearing his best designer Nehetalian suits and cheap cologne.

“I’m technically not a mechanic,” You remember the employee handbook and add on a, “ _sir._ ”

“Details. Ever consider going into another line of work? One that pays significantly better?”

You try not to roll your eyes as you test the electric current of the wires connected to the fuel cells to see which one is preventing the hovercar from an immediate startup. “Sir, if you have an order or an issue with your car, I suggest placing it with the manager or… _someone_ _else_.”

“I already talked to your manager and he doesn’t seem to mind that I stop by on occasion just to see how things are going.” He leans against the car you’re working on like he owns it, “After all, I’m a loyal customer. None of your co-workers seem to mind either.”

You look up from the engine to see Vinnie smirking at Swiete, the mahogany-blood you now know has questionable taste in men. You could care less. You’re more interested in the manager talking to a troll wearing a green and white suit. Next to him are Joan and the blonde. Vinnie is still taking. You still don’t care. You try to hide behind the car but Joan is looking at you. You can’t read the expression on her face either.

“What about it?” he asks.

“What?” You’re not even going to pretend you were paying attention. The troll in the suit leads the manager away into the back office. Joan and the blonde remain.

“Party at Buccaneer’s Bliss, VIP exclusive.” Vinnie hands you a purple plastic key tied with ribbon. “You show this to the door, you‘ll _definitely_ get in.”

You stare at him and then you stare at the key. How dumb does he think you are? You know what the key means. It gets tossed into a barrel, shifted about, and then whoever picks out your key you have to sleep with.

“I have to work overtime.” you lie.

“And you can’t play hooky just this one?” Vinnie presses and now he’s starting to invade your personal space. He moves closer and you keep moving away.

“I’m not a club person. I don’t like crowds or loud music.” You look over and Joan and the blonde are walking over to you. The blonde stops hallway, their eyes on Tsuris now.

“It’s not that bad. Trust me.” Vinnie smiles, showing the sharp tips of his teeth, “Have you ever even _been_ to Buccaneer’s Bliss? It’s not your average club. They—”

Vinnie yelps. Joan is standing next to him, gripping the pinky on the hand holding the key. Her eyes are on you.

“Vinnie.” Joan says. Her voice is flat, something that was once sugary but had the flavor sucked out a long ago.  

Vinnie growls but when he turns around and sees Joan, the color empties out of his face. If he wore typical clown make up, he’d be whiter than a ghost. “Oh.” His voice squeaks, “What are you doing here? You’re usually hanging out with Cue Ball. Not that I’m not happy to see you. I’m more than happy to see you. I just didn’t expect to see you… _here_.”  

Joan is staring into the distance, eyes narrowed like she’s listening to a sound only she can hear. “Your debt.” she says, “Will become a priority. Soon.”

“Right. Got it. Just gonna. Head over here for a while.” he laughs nervously.

Vinnie doesn’t spare you a glance as he walks away from her. He bumps into Tsuris and Vinnie seizes his chance to look trollian again, snarling at Tsuris, “What are you looking at, _deer boy_?!” Tsuris almost jumps out of his skin but stays where he is, stumbling away from the irritated purpleblood. 

You look at Joan, who is still staring off into the distance. You can see your face in hers, though her eyes are more sunken in and her skin paler than normal. You wish you had asked Jake to show you a picture of her in her youth. Her sclera is yellowed; jaundice or a side-effect? You’re not sure and you don’t know what to say. The giggling blonde is nearby, still pestering Tsuris.

You don’t know what to say. You never thought of what to say to your mother. You never even had feelings towards her; just benign indifference.

Joan is still staring off into space. “Sent him the card. Thought he understood. What I said.” she says.

It takes you a minute to realize she’s talking about the postcard. You shake your head, “I wanted to talk to my friend. I had no idea you were there.”

She’s still staring. You can’t tell if she’s thinking or trying to understand what you’re saying. There’s three minutes silence and you’re about to repeat yourself when she says, “No point. Keep to your space. I’ll keep to mine.” Her eyebrows narrow, “Or else. You know.” She scowls, her teeth clenched, _“That._ ”

You don’t know what _That_ is, but the way she says it makes you feel cold and afraid. “It was a mistake. Sorry.” You shouldn’t be saying sorry but it’s always good to be polite to a possible psychopath. Or is it sociopath? Rose is the person who would know the difference.

Joan nods and walks. The blonde is cuddling up to Tsuris, harassing him worse than Vinnie has ever done to you (so far). Joan doesn’t look at the blonde; just grabs him by the back of the shirt and drags him away. You said you’d keep your distance but you linger closer to them once the troll in the suit comes out of the manager’s office. They get into the back of a fancy hovercar. You squint and inside you see Rose, wearing a frilled dress with a plunging neckline. She smiles at the troll, holding a wine bottle.

They’re gone before you can say anything to her. _Secretary my ass,_ you think and wonder what John would say if he knew the troll that was currently taking up Rose’s affection. The manager says to stop loafing around; you’ve got work to do.

You take your break later that afternoon. You sit in the break room and check your iHusk for Trollbook updates, but so far nothing. You should tell Jake that Joan talked to you, but you don’t know his Trollichum or his iHusk number. You could ask Dave though and if Karkat blew up at him yet.

 

\--gardenGnostic[GG] began trolling turntechGodhead[TG]!--

 

GG: hey

TG: oh hey

GG: did you tell him yet?

TG: uh not exactly

GG: daaaave! >:[

TG: hes been busy running dealing with all his grub mama shit and getting ready for a job interview and i dont want to tell him about this when hes supposed to be focused on getting a job id be even more of an ass for doing that

GG: we both know thats an excuse :P

TG: its not

GG: why do you not like to admit youre nervous when you obviously are?

TG: because im not

GG: are too :P

TG: striders and coolkids dont get nervous we just mellow out and deal with it

 

This isn’t the time to point out that Dave’s “coolkid” label comes from people who couldn’t tell the difference between aloofness and nervousness.

 

GG: well you have to tell him dave dont wait too long!! :P

TG: i wont

GG: also do you have jakes trollichum handle?

TG: yeah why

GG: i need to talk to him

TG: about what

GG: oh my gods privacy much strider

TG: this is my codad were talking about

GG: well if you really want to know my mom showed up at my job with who i guess is her boss

TG: your mom why would he care

GG: uh dave

GG: jake is my biological father :/

TG: say what

GG: jake is my dad hes my grandpas son

TG: oh

TG: i guess that makes sense then

GG: youre not upset?

TG: why would i be upset

TG: jake probably has a lot of secretive shit in his past that he doesnt want to tell me about hes not up front with me about everything like bro is

TG: so whatever i dont care

TG: what was it like meeting your mom

GG: sort of weird she stopped vinnie makara from hitting on me

GG: she talked to me but she had this weird stutter stop thing going on and she just seemed really off in general

TG: im not surprised about the way she talked i mean

GG: what do you mean?

TG: dont you know what they call people who use juju for a long time?

GG: no dave

GG: why would i know that? :P

TG: they call them puppets cause the juju makes you move like a puppet the whole stutter stop speech thing it dicks around with your brain and how you move with muscles and stuff the longer they use it the worse they get

GG: why do you know so much about sweet juju? its not a local drug

TG: i looked this all up for a paper on it for health sweet juju is here its just not as popular and they just call it a different name like here its pinocchio bad marionettes zombie

TG: juju hasnt taken off here cause its expensive and only made by certain people soporin and mind honey are popular because its easier to make

GG: whys that?

TG: juju is grown a hybrid plant that’s like a crossbreed of poppy and the sopor plant its native to Shongolia and only grows under certain conditions

TG: rumor has it that the chinacanese government developed it in the third age because tranqs and knock out gas didnt work on coldbloods well enough so they developed something new from the ground up

TG: but then the medical community realize they could use it for medicinal purposes as painkillers or a way to knock out trolls who needed surgery without using highly concentrated doses of human painkillers

GG: but something went wrong

TG: the plant was too powerful and too easy to get addicted to even for medicinal tranq or gaseous it was like opium back in the Victorian era supposedly the government people tried to scrap the plant entirely and go back to the drawing board but some drug lords got a hold of the remaining seeds

GG: they probably bought it off an intern or a janitor someone who would have access to the remains or was supposed to be destroying them

TG: thats what i think happened too

TG: the issue of course was that the plant was expensive to grow so it had to be marketed to the people who could afford it like the super rich or the middle class since the point of drug dealing is to make money before the person goes completely batshit and bankrupt

TG: but the plus side was that you didnt need a lot of sweet juju to get someone addicted and relapses happened often jake stayed clean because he had no cash and no access to it in the trailer park

GG: jake doesnt have that stutter stop thing going on though like my mom does

TG: according to him he was in rehab by the time it started to happen but he has other quirks i guess like he really fucking hates pumpkins and lollipops

GG: really?

TG: yeah he cant stand anything about them and he just backs away from it like its gonna detonate

GG: i guess its cause of what happened to troxie :(

TG: yeah i felt bad for him but also i saw it coming when i heard the story

GG: how can you tell someones going to get shot in the head while playing william tell?

TG: i dont know it just seems to happen a lot to people who do drugs and have guns on them like william s burroughs

GG: whos that

TG: old earth beat generation writer who shot his wife joan in the head when he was drunk

GG: thats sort of a weird coincidence

TG: i guess if you really think a junkie killing someone by accident and two people being named joan is then yeah its a really weird coincidence call unsolved mysteries

GG: don’t be a dick

TG: im not

GG: you really are upset about jake not telling you he had a daughter aren’t you?

TG: no

GG: dave

TG: im not upset why would i be upset im not

TG: just because you dont know who william s burroughs is doesnt mean im upset its a joke

GG: dave, its normal to feel a little uneasy or agitated when people dont tell you the truth :(

TG: it doesnt matter hes not even related to me

GG: yeah but hes your dad and jake didnt even know i existed so its not really his fault he was in rehab when i was born

GG: grandpas the one who never told him so its okay were all gobsmacked by this

TG: pfft

TG: what

GG: what?

TG: gobsmacked

TG: what does that even mean

GG: you know flabbergasted

TG: oh my god

GG: surprised!! :P

TG: i forgot you talked like an old young british lady

TG: like when we were five and you said cheerio and asked me if i was narked thats why i didnt talk and i was thinking what in the shit is this girl saying

GG: thats because i only talked to my grandpa and i copied what he said!! >:(

TG: im just realizing no matter how old you get youre still a dork you just grew tits and got hotter

GG: yeah a dork whose waiting for you to talk to karkat and hoping shes not knocked up because you used an old condom

TG: it wasnt old it just broke that happens sometimes

TG: youre not feeling sick are you?

GG: im not a troll dave were not going to know for a while

GG: crap breaks over i gotta go

GG: talk to you later dave

TG: yeah see you later jade

 

\--gardenGnostic[GG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead[TG]!--

 

You go back to work. Your possible pregnancy is still in the back of your mind and you question if being around so many chemicals and solvents would be healthy for en embryo, or if your offspring is already doomed to unknown mutation since you live in the trailer park. DynamiCHEM has been dumping chemicals in the swamp for years. At five you leave work, riding the bus with Tsuris and others.

“Who was that woman that was talking to you?” Tsuris asks.

If he’s asking, that means he didn’t hear what you were talking about, thankfully. “Someone dangerous.” you say, “What did the other guy have to say to you?” The blonde haired person with questionable fashion and ambiguous gender. 

“Them? Oh.” Tsuris frowns, “They were just saying how they wanted to cut off my horns and mount them on their wall cause they looked like deer horns. Saying they were creepy is an understatement.” 

“Did he tell you his name?”

He thinks for a second, “Lil Cal.”

“Lil Cal?” You shouldn’t have expected a better name to come from a drug addict, you guess.

“Yeah, they also said they wanted me to come over their house and hang out on their rooftop? I think that’s slang for a date? I don’t know. They sounded foreign and really… giggly.”

 “Did you ever find out what that postcard was?”

“The postcard?” You remember the object that started all of this and smile, “Yeah. You were right. It’s from my mother’s side of the family.”

“Really? What did it say?”

“Nothing useful.”

What have you gained from this adventure? A burnt-out sociopath mother who wasted her youth doing opiates. A half-brother with an affinity for knives. A father who is a stranger. A slew of family secrets that you have no interest in because you don’t care; you’re not Aranea or Aradia, turning over rocks and scouring books for the answers to the past. Your concern is the present. Keeping your job. Getting out of the trailer park. Not that you live a terrible life in the trailer park. You’re actually better off than most since your grandfather is floor manager at Crockercorp Manufacturing Building.

But you don’t like living here. You hate the city’s crime. You hate being looked down on or ignored because of where you were born. Even at school there’s an obvious division between the inner city kids of the Squalor and the ‘trailer trash’ like you, even though you’re both in the same socio-economic class.

You feel queasy but its nerves. You dread becoming that stereotype, the image of being a chain smoking single mother with curlers in your hair and yelling at Dave about child support. And where was Karkat in your horrible daydream? Not there. Maybe he broke up with Dave because of you, or maybe they were still together but you were on the side. The entire vision is your worst nightmare.

You should talk to someone; someone preferably human and female. Its later in the evening so Rose should be off of work. You get off the bus, still talking to Tsuris even though your mind’s distracted. You’re still both saving money to go to a convention. You’ve had your eye on Pawfeetcon, but you’re not sure how to tell Tsuris about that one. You definitely want to go to the Homebent meet-up downtown in two weeks. You’re thinking about cosplaying Jakean Harlee, but you need to get the clay to make horns and contact lenses for the eyes. If you could learn some sewing, you could even do a Fancybent Jakean. You know Tsuris wanted to go as Rozzil in his Prince of Void outfit.

You say goodbye to Tsuris who walks to his trailer to check on his father as he always does. As you approach Rose’s trailer, you see a troll discreetly leaving through the back door. You try not to notice him too much. You knock at the door and Roxy answers, adjusting her tank top and wearing baggy pants.

“Oh, hey, Jade.” She frowns, “What’s wrong?”

“Um.” You manage.

She sighs. “Rose isn’t here.”

Of course she wouldn’t be here. She’s too busy being the arm candy of a creepy older troll. You have to talk to someone though, so you stand there in an awkward silence.

“Have you ever…” you mumble. Roxy tilts her head, and you blurt out, “…slept with someone and started to really regret it but at the same time you didn’t wish it didn’t happen because it just makes things really complicated?”

Roxy sighs and pats you on the shoulder. “Why don’t you come inside, Jade? I’m free for the evening.”

You sit on her couch, drinking incredibly milky tea and eating meat dumplings. Roxy picks up a scrawny black cat and sits next to you.

“So,” she says, “you and Dave slept with each other.” You sputter on your tea and she laughs, “Oh come on. Jake told me that Dave was acting weird and I thought ‘Yup. They totally did it. It was only a matter of time’. I can tell these sorta things; trust me.”

“Oh. Um.” you say, “Yeah. That happened.”

“And now you’re nervous because he might not feel the same?” Roxy asks.

“More like I’m not sure because he still cares for Karkat too in a different way.”

“Oh yeah.” Roxy says in a matter-of-fact tone, “They strike me as a pitch with how they talk about each other, though Karkat is never clear about his quadrants. Almost everything embarrasses him.” She smiles at your confusion, “Once you start hanging around trolls, you learn to understand quadrants.”

“You never answered my question from before…” You mutter, feeling awkward.

“Oh!” Roxy grins, “So you want to know about _me_ more than anything, huh?”

“I don’t know much about you at all.” You know all about John’s saintly dead father who died and left Mrs. Egbert a widow. You know that Dave’s parents died in a fire that Dirk and Dave survived. You don’t know anything about Roxy or her story.

“It’s not something I like to talk about but for you I’ll make an exception.” Roxy admits, “In order for you to know the full story, we have to go deep into the past when I was just another Shongolian farm girl named Ruxandra Lalonde. ‘Lalonde’ isn’t even a surname. It’s my mother’s name. She was an immigrant my family found. Shongolians don’t have surnames. We lived in a community of other farms and some did horses but we did sheep. All I did day in day out was watch sheep, shear sheep, raise sheep, wash sheep…” She rolls her eyes.

You try to imagine Roxy as a teenager, sitting on a stool and milking a sheep but it’s too difficult. 

“Taking care of sheep isn’t what I wanted to do in life though cause I had a knack for computers. I went to school in the city and I fell hard for my English tutor who was a college freshman.” She sighs, remembering her adolescence fondly. “A handsome blonde man with cybernetic eyes.  What was his name again? Hal? Maybe. Anyways, we slept together. I wanted to stay with him forever! But it wasn’t meant to last. He was older and a player so things broke off, but then… some trouble sprung up.”

Your eyes go wide and Roxy laughs, “No, no! I used protection! I didn’t get _pregnant_! I wasn’t stupid!” You wonder if that last part is a jab at you. “Shongolians placed a lot of value on virginity and if a woman isn’t a virgin on her wedding night, she’s killed! Of course in modern times they’d just exile you after a beating but it’s still awful. I never thought it’d be a problem because I had sisters. I wasn’t considered dainty or appealing. I had so many mutations I had pink eyes and blonde hair when everyone else had black hair and brown eyes. I was too aggressive and not a very dainty lady, and I hit too hard apparently.”

You also have trouble imagining Roxy as anything _but_ dainty. She’s a typical Canzian beauty with smooth skin, average weight, and blonde hair.

“Life has a way of biting you in the ass because not a week afterwards my de-virginification, I was informed by my parents I was going to the matchmaker. I was doomed! It was either exile or bribing the guy not to say anything.”

The concept of placing so much emphasis on virginity seems foreign to you, but you never talked about sex or your body with your grandfather. Your grandfather’s attitude was sex was something people did but didn’t talk about. Young Lady’s Illustrated Primer you were given when you turned thirteen had the same Easterner attitude. If you had questions or issues, you had to talk to Jane or Roxy.

“So what did you do?” you ask. 

“Once you’re marked for marriage, it’s nigh-impossible to get out of but you can ‘rig’ it by bribing the matchmaker. I pestered Lil Hal because he knew people wanting to get married because it was a quick way to citizenship. He introduced me to a guy who was teaching him Trussian and he was _handsome_. I told him that if he got married to me, he’d be a citizen. With the dowry money we could relocate to the city and do our own thing. He agreed, we bribed the matchmaker, and that was that.”

“So, you regret sleeping with Lil Hal and having to go with it?”

“No.” Roxy’s not smiling anymore and she sighs, “I shouldn’t have slept with him, my ex-husband, even though it was part of the wedding ceremony. Among Shongolian family, nothing is private, not even sex. You consummate in front of the family, after all the ceremony is done. Afterwards, I thought I felt a ‘spark’ between us. I got it into my head that we could have something together and that it could work out. But in the end it didn’t. There were too many secrets… too many things between us. In the end, we just went our separate ways.”

It’s a curious detail that Roxy is divorced. You had always thought Rose was the product of a one night stand. Does this mean her husband is Rose’s father if she says Hal didn’t impregnate her? Rose has always talked to you about tight-lipped Roxy was about the identity of her father. “Where is he now?”

“Not here,” She looks at you, “which is why I suggest you take sex out of the equation when you think about Dave. You don’t want to get attached for the wrong reasons, or you’ll end up with everyone thinking you’re a slut with a head as empty as a milk pail.”

“I don’t think you’re dumb.” You never thought she was stupid, but never considered her to be smart enough to code computers. Your Eastern raising doesn’t let you think of anyone who sells their body as being too high up on the intelligence scale. The most you think about it, her intelligence makes sense. She’s been running her business for years now without getting caught and Rose has never been desperate for food, clothes, or anything. You say, “Cronus always really liked you...”

Everyone in the neighborhood knew that Cronus hounded after humans. Roxy rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t want to flush me like he says he does.”  

“What makes you say that?”

Roxy sighs again, putting the cat on the floor. “A _real_ flush is someone you trust, not someone you like holding power over. A troll will let a flush top them if they feel like it, will let their flush dress them up, or be led around blindfolded by them. Cronus doesn’t trust me like that because to him I’m still ‘just a human’. I’m exotic and pretty but there’s nothing else he likes or knows about me. I’m fetish fuel for him to stroke his bulge to. If I want that, I’ll go out with my ‘clients’.” 

“It’s sort of weird how trolls treat human women. I don’t understand why I keep getting hit on.”

“I used to talk about this a lot with _him._ ” You’re assuming she’s talking about her ex-husband. “ _He_ always thought it tied into ‘otherness’, the fact that human women are very different from trolls. Human females don’t have bulges, they’re built to have offspring, they give live birth, nurse their children, and bleed for days without dying. There’s a lot of things our bodies do that trolls can’t and it makes us more alien to them. And if you haven’t noticed…” She smirks, “…some trolls _really_ get off on that sort of thing.”

“Lactation is one of those things that always causes a stir among them.” you laugh, “What do you actually do? I mean besides sex.”

“Sometimes they just want comfort. I’m just human trailer trash. I’m non-threatening, so they let down their guard around me. Or they want to feel superior to something like a real troll. Typically I get coldbloods since they seem to enjoy the ‘human warmth’.”

You feel a lot better talking to Roxy and her honesty. You spend the rest of the afternoon playing co-op for Condescension of Duty Black Ops 2: Zombies. “I didn’t know you were a gamer.” You say to Roxy.

“Oh yeah. I grew up with three brothers and three sisters. I was the youngest.” Roxy says, sniping a zombie from the high up area she’s positioned, “When the work was done on the farm we’d either watch TV or game. I remember playing the first Blingdom Hearts on ZG2.”

“I forget how old Blingdom Hearts is for a franchise.”

“Almost as old as the Fiduspawn franchise. I had an original Fiduspawn Amber for the Huskkid 3D Color. I think I spent most of my time laying my Huskkid on the powerstrip more than playing it, but it was durable.”

“Anything made by Trolltendo is durable as all hell. I saw on Y-Play they dropped a Trolltendo Gamebulb off the roof of a building and it still worked.”

“That’s because it’s like 80 percent hard plastic. I didn’t bother with the Gamebulb. I’m not a platformer person; I just get incredibly angry and I just want to shoot someone in the face instead of having to jump from A to B to F or Q. Watch out.” She snipes another bulky zombie that was sneaking up behind you. “So what are you going to do if you’re pregnant?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to go on maternity leave. I’m already making good money and I have a chance of getting a scholarship and going to college.”

“You’re human though. The government’s more willing to give youstuff. You could save money moving by moving to the Squalor like Vriska.”

You roll your eyes. “I hate that place, and I still don’t know if I should have a kid. The only upside is that it’s Dave’s and even if Karkat and him don’t break up, Karkat might feel like a third wheel around us.”

“Why would Karkat feel like a third wheel? If Dave and him really are in a different quadrant, then it’s no different from a regular troll family. Just remember to include him in your life.”

“Include Karkat? But we’re not Mormons or hippies.”

“Mormons and hippies aren’t the only ones that are polyamorous!” Roxy huffs, “You’ll save more money if all three of you pool your money together and take turns watching the kids.”

“I don’t know… I mean, what would the kids even call Karkat?”

Roxy shrugs. “I don’t know. Whatever kids call extra family members. Aunt, or Uncle, or just Karkat. A family doesn’t have to have two adults, it can have one or three or more.” She smiles but it looks sad. Is she thinking of the past? Of her ex-husband and the failed relationship? “People can do amazing things when they care about each other enough.”

You play three more rounds of COD, chugging Mountain Dew and eating Doritos. Its ten o’ clock when you decide to leave.

“You take care of yourself, Jade.” Roxy says, still shooting zombies in the head. You’ve never seen one person get so many headshots.

“You too.” You add, “I… I think Rose might be trouble but she’s not sure how to ask for help from the rest of us or maybe she’s afraid too? I’m not sure.”

“What is it?” Her eyes are still trained to the screen.

“I think the people she’s working for are associated with a gang called the Cherubs.”

Roxy gets in one last headshot before pausing the game. “I know that.” she says, “Part of the advantage of fucking Capricorns is that they run their mouths. Rose won’t listen to me so I have to downplay it now, so she won’t feel afraid around them. I can’t force her to stay away because that would make her want to go with them more.” She turns to you and there are no tears in her eyes, but a cold distance expression. “She has to learn on her own about the dangers of who she’s around and who to trust because I won’t always be here to protect her.”

She then unpauses the game and goes back to shooting. “But if they hurt her,” Her voice has a hard edge, “they’ll find out why I never _once_ lost a sheep to wolves.”

You suddenly understand how Roxy gets so many headshots. It’s easy once you’ve done it over and over again in real life. You wonder where she hides her guns in the trailer. You leave the Lalonde trailer, heading for home. When you walk through the door, your grandfather is taking off his tie and Bec is whining for food.

“Can I ask you something?” you say, “About my brother?”

Your grandfather hangs up his tie on the rack in the living room. He has more ties than you can count. “I don’t see why you’d want to ask about someone you should never meet, unless you went against my word and did meet them. _Jade._ ”

“I talked with my father.” you say. Your grandfather stares at you, “Jake. He told me about Joan and him and now I sort of wonder…”

“What?” Your grandfather says, in a voice that might as well say _Out with it already._

“Was it just the paternity test why you didn’t take him in?” you ask.

“I think you misunderstand the situation I was in. The thousand pounds I paid for you was of the last scraps of money I had. Most of our money was eating up by legal fees and what we did to keep his story out of the papers, compounding by my wife’s heart finally giving out.”

“So you couldn’t take in my brother? Even if you wanted to?”

Your grandfather’s silent and after a minute he says, calmly. “Dysmelia.”

“Dysmelia…?”

“A congenital disorder of the limbs, caused by the inheritance of abnormal genes provoked by teratogenic drugs.” He sounds like he’s reading the description out of the dictionary. “You came out fine. Your half-brother… not so much. His limbs were damaged beyond repair; weak and malformed. He’d need cybernetic prosthesis for all four limbs if he was going to live a normal life. I couldn’t care for him. Children like that are best left to live in care out of the public eye or terminated in the womb.”

Your mouth goes dry. “So if _I_ was born deformed, you wouldn’t have taken me in? Or would you have hidden me out of sight like I was a monster?”

“Jade,” your grandfather sighs, “that isn’t the case. He wasn’t my—”

“But what if it _was_?” you ask, “What if I had a grandchild that was deformed? Would you be ashamed of them?”

Your grandfather’s eyes widen. “And why would that last thing be a concern?”

“Just...” You clench your fist and walk to your room, “…just leave me alone.”

“Jade…”

You slam the door and lock it. You don’t want to think about mutation, future children that may (or may not) have been conceived, or your half brother. You water and fertilize the plants growing in your makeshift hydroponic garden. When you get enough tubing and filters, you’re going to make an aeroponic garden. You check Homebent for updates and discover that the goblin dancestors and descendants have finally met during a confrontation with Aksirv (currently alive as the Rogue of Light) and Haneem (the Knight of Life). Your Beckoner blog on Trollumblr got more asks and you received got requests from your other (secret nsfw) blog to draw more Rossin x Jakean. You’re in the middle of drawing Rossin and Jakean in the middle of a heated pitch session when you get a message from Dave.

 

\--turntechGodhead[TG] began trolling gardenGnostic[GG]!--

 

TG: hey

GG: did you talk to karkat yet?

TG: uh

GG: dave

TG: sorta

GG: yes or no

TG: okay so i tried to talk to karkat i really tried to tell him the thing and he was so happy about his job and i didn’t want to bring him down so i just sorta didnt tell him the thing and now hes telling terezi and yeah

GG: dave!! >:(

GG: i demand the you go in there and tell your boyfriend that we had sex!

TG: i cant

GG: what do you mean you cant

TG: i sort of

TG: ran

TG: so far away

GG: what

TG: technically next door

TG: to your trailer

GG: what

TG: just look outside your window

 

You do look outside your window and you groan when Dave is looking at you from the bushes. He’s trying to look relaxed and posed while he’s in the bushes too, which is just ticking you off.

“Dave, what are you doing in my bushes?” you sigh.

“Chilling.” he says.

“More like avoiding talking to Karkat.” You huff, leaning on your windowsill. “My grandpa’s home. He’s gonna be pissed if you’re in my bushes again and you know he’s a crack shot.”

“I know. I just thought, ‘Hey, I should totally hang out at my baby mama’s place and think about all the shitty choices I’ve made with my life’.”

“ _Neither_ of us know if I’m pregnant.” you say. “Dave, just go talk to Karkat. Blurt it out if you have to. Or practice it. Just start with, ‘Hey, Karkat.’ And then ‘Jade and I banged’ followed by a ‘But I pitch you so’ and then fill in the blanks.”

“I know what to do!” Dave growls. “I just. Shit.” He slumps forward, rubbing his face like that’ll make him magically tell Karkat about what happened. “I’m not good with this. I’m not good with telling people shit like this and I just have this…thought in the back of my head that he’ll flip out and run away or something like Tavros did last year and…fuck, Jade.” He looks up at you now, “…I don’t want Karkat to disappear.”

“Neither of us want that.” you say.

“What if I’m just a huge asshole?” he sighs, “What if I’m one of those fedora wearing assholes who jerk people around for sex because I think its entitled to me like this is some kind of bad dating sim? What if I’m just a shitty person and I don’t know it? Maybe I should just…break things off with him so he doesn’t have to keep putting up with me?”

“ _Daaaave_ …” You reach down and touch his cheek. “…no offense but this is like your first relationship with anyone ever and the same goes for Karkat. _Neither_ of you know what you’re doing, on top of both of you having terrible communication skills.”

“Jade, how is telling me I’m socially retarded helpful?” Dave grumbles.

“What I’m trying to say is I think you’re still learning how to talk to people and deal with things but you’ve come a long so don’t beat yourself up about this.” you say, “And I think _not_ telling Karkat and panicking does more harm than good. Okay?”

He sighs again and strokes your hand. “Fuck…I’m a nervous wreck over nothing. If you are pregnant, I’m going to be like the worse kind of parent. I’ll have a panic attack over the kid staying out past eight.”

You laugh, “Oh come on, Dave. We both know that if I’m pregnant you would raise the most ironic coolkid ever and I would teach them to shoot as soon as they could walk. They’ll be perfectly safe.”

“That sounds dangerous.”

“So is letting a five year old play with katanas.”

Dave smirks. “Good point.”

“Very good point.” Karkat agrees.

You look up at the mutantblood wearing a white shirt and pants. He raises an eyebrow and looks at the two of you. “So,” he says, “what do you need to tell me?”


End file.
